


The blurred line between public and private life

by MaelGalant



Series: Love or Host [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28773894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaelGalant/pseuds/MaelGalant
Summary: George doesn't want to go on Austin's show Love or Host, until Dream give him an exit in case he doesn't feel a connection with the participants.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Love or Host [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154678
Comments: 18
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native langage, so sorry if my grammar leaves something to be desired.
> 
> Even if the characters and scenes are strongly inspired by real peoples and events, this is entirely a work of fiction. Know the difference. 
> 
> Dream, George, Sapnap, if you ever read this work, hope it'll make you laugh! If not, I'll be happy to delete this fanfic the moment you ask.

It was a stupid idea, so of course it was coming out of Dream’s head. The moment George was contacted by Austin about his show Love or Host, he knew it would be humiliating and was just not ready for the cringe that would ensue. But of course, Dream insisted that it would be hilarious and that the fans would love it.

\- And it’s not like you’ll be alone, Austin got a list of guests to ask questions to the participants. Pretty sure me and Sapnap will get a phone call the moment you accept to go on the show. So if things get awkward, we will distract the chat back to us.  
\- Yeah, by making fun of me! I know you, don’t pretend you’ll be there to help me, you’re just a troll.  
\- No, I promise I’ll be good! You’ve been single for so long, of course I would be happy to help you find love!  
\- Dream, I don’t want to meet someone like that. Everybody knows that these shows are fake.  
\- Okay, but what if I’m one of the participants?  
\- WHAT?!  
\- Wait, listen, listen, listen. That way if things get too awkward and you’re afraid the girls get emotionally attached when you’re not, then you choose me at the end. We already host each other anyway, so the outcome changes nothing. But, if you start to really like one of them, then she’ll get super happy because you chose her over your best friend, and I’ll be super happy because you would have finally talked to a girl about something other than Minecraft.  
\- Come on, Dream, that would be too obvious.  
\- So what? It’s just for fun, nobody takes that show really seriously. And you know our fans, they’ll go crazy the moment I’ll appear on screen as a participant.  
\- Wait, you would show your face?!  
\- Of course not, I’ll use my minecraft avatar. But I mean, if you want me to show my face so that everybody gets jealous about how sexy I am...  
\- See, you’re doing it right now! You’ll make things even worse with your stupids jokes!  
\- Come on, George, as if you’re not already used to it when we stream together.  
\- It’s not the same! I’ll be forced to reply as if it’s serious!  
\- George, you broke my little heart…  
\- You’re such an asshole. That’s your fault our fans ship us.  
\- And I will continue to give them fuel, their fanfics are hilarious! Did you read that one where you have a fetish about my hands and self-strangulation?

So yeah, Dream was the worst, and being a persistent bastard as always, he finally convinced George to accept Austin’s offer… only to tell him days later that his participation was refused because George only put women in his preference. So the plan was a total fiasco, and it was too late to get out and cancel everything. Great, really great. It’s not like George was trying to hide desperately his anxiety as he sat in front of his webcam, while Austin finished to organize the zoom call before starting the stream. 

\- It’s gonna be challenging, you know, I have a big crush on you George, and I’m very disappointed that I’ll not be chosen at the end of this.

At least, Austin had the same type of humor as Dream. George could deal with that, it was the easy part, and he let himself crack an amused smile. Only to swallow nervously and break eye contact the second Austin reminded him that eleven girls were ready to meet him. It was bad, it was so bad. The show had just started, and already, he wanted to run far away. Austin probably felt it, because he started another joke about his supposedly flawless skin and perfect teeths, and again, it was much easier to laugh and smile for the viewers while ignoring the pang in his stomach. Still, his mind started to drift as Austin explained the rules of the show, more to the public than himself since George had to read them before accepting the invitation. Fortunately, the animator had an enthusiastic voice able to bring his attention back if necessary, even if George was only responding in clumsy short phrases. Then it was time to meet the ladies, and despite his best efforts, George couldn’t ignore all those boobs put on display by low necklines. Yep, that’s it, he wanted to disappear. At least Austin’s witty remarks were a good distraction to his suffering.

\- Wait, we are missing Andrea Botez. Andrea! Where is she? Is she playing chess? Did she have a competition today? Sorry George, I’m so embarrassed, it’s my fault, I’m pretty sure she sent me an email about it. But wait, wait, since we promise eleven participants, I’m sure I can contact the next one on the list, just give me a minute.  
\- So disorganized, Austin, that’s unacceptable.

George was teasing him, of course, hoping that the next contestant would not respond to the call so that the stream (and his misery) would end quicker. But sadly, someone took the call immediately after the second ring, and George forced a frozen smile on his face as his eyes screamed silently his panic. 

\- Hello.

Wait. He knew that voice. That fucking deep voice.

\- Dream, sir! Welcome aboard Love or Host! Your application has been selected, congratulations! I know you don’t want to show your face, so I prepared a picture of you… well, a logo of you, but yeah, glad to invite you for the show!

These assholes. They knew from the start that Andrea couldn’t make it and that Dream would take her place. Worse, they had the nerve to lie so that it would be a surprise for him and the viewers. Without even looking at it, George knew that the chat was going wild right now. Still, despite the initial shock, he couldn’t help but slightly relax in his chair just by knowing that Dream was there with him, ready to give a way out if things were to go wrong. And it was nice seeing the confused look in the eyes of the other participants. At least now, he would not be the only one uncomfortable by the situation. 

\- So without further ado, George, why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself?  
\- Oh, okay, I’m not good with introduction, but I'm George, and I’m twenty-three, even though I don’t look like it. I make Minecraft videos, and… I don’t know. What else do I say?  
\- Hey, George, how tall are you?

Of course, Dream had to ask that, the smug bastard. As if mister I’m-six-foot-three would ever miss an opportunity to mock him about his height. But it was not the first time for George, and surely not his last, so he easily ignored the silent laugh in his friend’s voice.

\- I’m five foot nine. Oh, and I’m British, if you can’t tell by the accent.  
\- Yeah, pretty difficult to miss it! Now, George, you can sit back and relax, because it’s time for the participants to introduce themselves, so let’s start with our mystery newcomer, Dream!  
\- Hello, my name is Clay. I am George's best friend, we have known each other for a very long time, and we make youtube videos together.  
\- This sounds like a crazy bromance, how did you meet ?  
\- We were both developers on the same project for a Minecraft server.  
\- Wait what!? But that’s not fair! George, did you know that he would be on the show?

No surprise here, there was some agitation among some of the ladies, but it was kinda difficult to pinpoint who spoke out loud since there were so many on the screen. It’ll take him forever to associate each voice to their respective face.

\- Hum… I had an idea, but I wasn’t sure? I thought that was a joke.  
\- Wait, wait, is there everything between you two already? Because I’ve been looking about you on the internet, and the results made me… a little bit confused? It just… didn’t look like you were into girls.

This time, he was pretty sure the question was coming from Kandyland, since the poor girl was raising her hand and fidgeting on her seat like she was scared to offend him. In the background, George could hear Dream chuckling, a sound he knew too well after so many manhunt videos.

\- No, no, I’m straight. I guess. 

Now Dream was banging his desk while laughing, and George had to bite his tongue to not let escape an irritated “what?!” like he was so used to do when they streamed together. This was not the place to be too familiar. This was the place to be polite and respectful so people don’t misunderstand their relationship. 

\- Ok, so before starting, ladies, is everyone okay with Dream being here? I know some of you were not on the zoom call yesterday when we were presenting each other.  
\- Oh, no problem, I think it’s cute!  
\- Yeah, obviously, it’s an easy question. I mean, the guy says he’s straight, that’s self explanatory.

Good, now nobody was taking Dream for a real threat, exactly like they were hoping for their plan so it doesn’t look like an easy cheat out of an embarrassing solution. But then, Peachachoo just took a huge pride flag out of nowhere and put it around her shoulders like a blanket to show her support, and George made a sudden, and terrible, realisation. If he chose Dream at the end, would everyone think he was gay and coming out of the closet? Would he lose all his chances to find a girlfriend in the future because of that? No, no, people will understand it’s just their friendship’s dynamic, because Dream was going to pick “Host” and things would be like before, so everything would be fine. And it’s not like he was really looking for a girlfriend anyway. He had been single for so long after all, and was always busy with videos and calls with friends, so that’s not like he was feeling lonely or anything. It would be nice to have one, sure, but it was not really his priority. 

Oh, oh no, he spaced out again during the rest of the presentations. Sure, he was able to come back to the conversation when needed, especially when Minx lashed out at him for no reason, but his mind was just not focused at all as information started to blur together. And suddenly, it was already time to vote someone off, and he felt so bad for not giving enough attention. Most of these girls seemed really nice and genuine, and here he was, already planning to flush them all in favor of Dream because he’s just an indecisive coward. He didn’t realize that it could seriously hurt them or make them insecure, and now he was feeling disgusting and stressed out. That show was such a bad idea, why did he have to listen to Dream of all people? 

So in the end, he chose Cytusin because of all the red flags about her crazy ex boyfriends, only to learn that she chose “Host” and had to fake his relief like he was some dumb dude hoping to find real love in a twitch show. Then Kaceytron started to talk about Minecraft, and he could finally relax a bit.

\- So, Geroge, what’s your favorite biome in Minecraft?  
\- You mean in terms of usefulness or aesthetic?  
\- Hum… Aesthetic.  
\- Maybe the flower forest then, it’s pretty nice.

Because he discovered how colorful it truly was when he tested his colorblind glasses with Dream. He remembered the delicate pink of lilacs, and the contrast between the green grass and the yellow dandelions, and the deep blue of cornflowers. If he didn’t have this experience before, his response would have been totally different. Then Kaceytron said that the biome would be a nice place for a date, and George did everything to not think of Dream and his soft laughter as he tried to explain the different colors to him. Fortunately, Kandyland came with a second question about the favorite build someone made for him in Minecraft, then Daniel with something more personal about his future projects, and it was way much easier to come back to the present. 

\- I never travelled much, so it would be nice to go somewhere cool.  
\- You could come here in America! I live in Missouri, so we have these nice forest parks and art museums… and you know, after that, we could play Minecraft and watch a movie while cuddling.  
\- Wow, it’s like you have already planned your date, Daniel!

As Austin was poking fun at the girl, George tried again not to think of Dream, and his promise to meet him in Florida after the lockdown. He already had forest parks and art museums in England, but no exotic climat with palm trees and blond sand beaches. A lot of his Minecraft friends were there too, so it could be fun to finally see them outside the game, do something different for a change… Then he realized that another girl was asking him something, and he cringed internally at his constant loss of focus.

\- … the biggest or coolest thing you build in Minecraft? Because I know it takes time, right?  
\- It does. It’s just been a really long time since I built stuff. I used to do it like, eight years ago, when I was younger. I remember it was supposed to be the Chamber of Secrets from Harry Potter.  
\- The one where you play chess?  
\- Hum, no, that’s a different book.

Realising her mistake, Kaceytron tried to lie her way out, but she was in front of a true Harry Potter fan so yeah, big miss. Peachachoo was more on point when asking if these were his favorite movies, to which he replied he preferred the books, and it was met with enthusiastic nods from some participants. Yet, she mistook him for a Hufflepuff, and sure, he could see where it was coming from. He had the look of a polite gentle guy after all, but his heart definitely belonged to Ravenclaw. 

\- Okay, so let’s move on to a more broader question so that everyone can get a chance to answer it, okay? So the question is, why would you want to date George, or why do you think you could be compatible with him? 

The responses were so superficial and repetitive for the most part that they started to mush together again. They mostly talked about the two predominant interests he revealed about himself, or what they could teach to one another. There was some shit-talking between the contestants, of course, but it was easy to just ignore it like some background noise that didn’t concern him. And again, some of the girls looked really genuine, and it was kinda nice to imagine himself becoming friends with them after the show, if they still wanted to talk to him. 

\- And Dream, why do you think you’re going to win the show?  
\- Because I’m awesome, and because we already know each other.

George had to tilt his head to laugh away from his microphone. It was just so Dream, going straight to the point with the assurance of someone who already won. Which was not entirely false, but still. Austin would want more content for his show, and would never let Dream go without a more elaborate response.

\- You guys work together, and I guess you call each other pretty frequently too. So why are you not already together? Do you really want his heart or is it just simping?  
\- It’s a little complicated. I think George always thought I was joking when I was flirting with him, so I was hoping that my participation in Love or Host would make him realise how serious I am.  
\- Wow, such a courageous decision, Dream. And how are you going to convince a straight man to fall in love with you?  
\- By my charming personality and looks, of course.

George was now biting his hand to not let his laughter escape. What the fuck was that? That was the false reason Dream had to come with to explain his presence on the show? That was so embarrassing, but still, it was the kind of joke that Dream would push and push to its last limit. That guy had no concept of shame, probably because his identity was never publicly disclosed. And then it was already time to eliminate another contestant, and it was going so fast, and it was so stressful, and the girls were already bitching each other for some reasons he had difficulties to understand because there was too much noise at the same time. But fuck it, he was ready to throw some shades about the obvious lies of some of them, especially Dream. 

\- You know, one person seems to not be telling the entire truth about some stuff. And we don’t really like liars here, do we?

There it was, the almost quiet laughter of Dream, but it was soon covered by the girls accusing each other again, and it was just so ridiculous. But Kaceytron finally confessed that she was not truly an Harry Potter fan, and pretended she was one just so he would like her more. It was kinda sad to be honest, because he really wasn’t that interesting of a guy to begin with, so why all that work to catch his attention? So yeah, that’s what made him choose Wyanot at the end, even if she seemed nice, but she took it pretty well so there’s that. 

\- Let us go with the next question, and I would love to ask the participants where would you take George on a date, if given the opportunity?  
\- Oh, I know!  
\- Go ahead, Minx.  
\- Listen, since you like Harry Potter, I always wanted to visit that one place, right? In London, of course, not in Orlando. I know it’s not as nice as the American one, but since it’s closer to us, that’s the easy and cheap option. Now, if we are going for the expensive out of reach option, we can go to the one in Florida, and then once you get bored of me, Dream could take over since he lives there because, you know, I respect open relationships, okay? As long that you come back to me at night, no problem. 

Dream was now wheezing behind his microphone, and Minx looked pretty pleased with herself. She had arrived quite strong and flammable by the start of the stream, but at least she had good humor, so George could respect that. 

\- Dream, if you win this, what would be your first date with George?  
\- That has to be in Minecraft. I would build a nice room setup with dim lights, like some redstone lamps maybe.  
\- Oh, sexy!  
\- We would have a steak dinner. And then I would take him to the crafting table.  
\- What are you going to do with that crafting table? You’ll craft him a present?  
\- No, no, but chat will understand.  
\- Yeah, you guys community is incredible, it’s awesome how huge it is! 

That’s it, Dream wanted to kill him on the spot. Blessed George’s lights for hiding the burning on his cheeks, or else everyone would have understood the innuendo. How was he supposed to act as if everything was normal when Dream was saying things like that!? Okay, the cute little flirts and kisses were one thing, and the giggles after accidentally saying something a little saucy were another, but now it was plain sexual advances at this point! The smug bastard knew it, and to top it off, he was acting all cool and composed as if it was nothing! So great, now George had to concentrate to calm the creeping shade of red on his face, and almost missed the rest of the conversation. He was the worst… Then, of course, the thing with Kaceytron got out of hand, and even more once he decided to eliminate her. George was almost hoping it was a joke at that point, laughing uncontrollably to hide his discomfort. Her last words before disappearing from the stream was to somewhat insult Dream by calling him a nightmare, but since the man was the impersonation of chaos itself, he was clearly enjoying every second of it.

\- George, you made a wonderful decision. As a friend, I would have kicked your butt if you would have chosen her over me.  
\- Hey, stop roasting my friend Kacey, you’re hurting her feelings!

After all that drama, the calm and amused voice of Dream bickering with Minx was strangely soothing, and George just let himself relax in his chair again before the start of the next question. To be fair, the show was past its first hour, and he was mentally exhausted.

\- So participants, George is looking out for his best interest in this show, and part of that interest is to discover which one of you chose “Host” so that he doesn't fall into the trap. So my question here is, which one of the guests here do you think is most likely to have chosen “Host”?

Without real surprise, the majority of the suspicions was separated between Minx and Dream, the first one because she was a regular and had the reputation to choose “Host”, the second because it all looked like an elaborate prank, even if the girls were doing everything in their power to not sound insensitive in case they were wrong about Dream’s sentiments (and didn’t wanted to be cancelled for something that could pass for homophobic).

\- Dream, you sound pretty calm despite all these accusations. What about you, who do you think could have chosen “Host” among the contestants?  
\- Sincerely, Austin? None of them. I mean, look at George, you would be crazy to not wanna go on a date with him. And just think about it, if you really wanted clout that much, becoming his girlfriend would be way more effective than just hosting him for one video, no?

Since George secretly didn’t care about truly falling or not in love right this evening, he chose to eliminate Caprice, because she was the second one to throw shades at the girls and it was enough drama for him today, thank you very much. Of course, it’s not the reason he gave, but an attentive observer would have probably read it on his tired face. When he learned that she had chosen love, however, George started to worry that Dream’s theory could be true. But there’s no way so many girls would want to date him, the small awkward british guy that plays Minecraft all day long, right? Again, Austin must have sensed his renewed lack of focus, because he quickly redirected his next questions to him. 

\- I wanna ask, George, what do you think about marriage?  
\- Hum… I mean… 

What the heck! Was Austin in cahoots with Dream to try and give him a heart attack? If not, then why did he have to ask him something so big and important, in front of all these girls that he barely knew? 

\- That’s not really something I’m thinking about right now, honestly. Maybe in a long time, I don’t know, it’s a lot of commitment, but I’m not against it.  
\- He did participate in a Minecratf marriage once. With me. Just want to point that out.  
\- Dream, are you here to win George heart or to exclusively expose him?  
\- I can do both pretty well, watch me.  
\- So you’re already married, George, I didn’t know that.  
\- Yeah, I took my ring out before the show started... No, no, that’s a joke, it was only for some roleplay, I mean, we do a lot of half-scripted, half-improvisation on our channel, that’s all. And you know, we love our community, so we give them what they like.  
\- And what about the time you were talking about all the benefits of marrying me for real?  
\- Dream, stop making me sound weird! I was only telling you the different ways I could acquiert a visa to come live in America. You know we would have got a divorce the moment I got my papers.  
\- See how easily he broke my heart on a daily basis? Unbelievable.

At that, George finally craved and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, relieved to hear his friend sneer as he did so. With that out of the way, the subject of marriage created some dangerous sparks. Most of the ladies were having a cautious approach on the topic, but with Minx and Kandyland on the two extreme points on the spectrum, it fell quickly into an intense debate. In the end, Qwuacc got eliminated because she wasn’t talking a lot... except when she told a touching story about her parents divorce, so yeah, George was still feeling like the worst douchebag on earth. Especially after learning that she chose love, which made him feel even more shittier in retrospect. He should have voted out Kandyland, all her traditional talk was making him really nervous, but he didn’t want to make an accidental statement by doing so and be accused of being against marriage. Better to eliminate her next round by giving a lame excuse.

\- I have a really big surprise for you, George. We have a guest here that you know well, that has been in the chat since the start of the show, and that would love to ask some questions to the participants.  
\- Oh? Who is it?

At first he thought it would be Sapnap, or at least BadBoyHalo. But no, Austin had to make him suffer and bring TommyInnit, because why not sink everything into pure chaos just for the fun of it?

\- Hellooooo George!  
\- Oh boy…  
\- Tommy, welcome, good thing your parents decided to sign the release form.  
\- Yeah, actually I’m very asleep right now, it’s bloody late here.  
\- I didn’t know we had children on this show.  
\- I’m not a child, I’m a teen, Dream, you know that.  
\- So Tommy, as a friend and coworker of George, what’s your question?  
\- George, how many girlfriends have you had until now?

It was concise, direct to the point, and totally ridiculous, like everything coming out of the mouth of Tommy. So of course George was laughing his ass off, the situation too unreal to take it seriously anymore. But it immediately piqued the interest of the ladies, probably because they wanted to know if he was a virgin or a womanizer, which was fair game.

\- Maybe like one or two.

Okay, it was only one, but he really didn’t want to sound like he just got dumped from what he thought was the girl of his dream, and gain pity points or something. Especially since it has been a nice experience, didn’t go over a year, and both broke up on good terms even if they didn’t contact each other after that. In fact, it has been so uneventful and a long time ago that he just never really gave it a lot of thought. But yeah, Tommy didn’t sound impressed.

\- Really? What was their name? Why did you break up with them?  
\- Tommy! These are some questions that are extremely intimate and personal!

Good, Austin was clearly regretting his choice now. But it sure was hilarious to read the pur choc and horror on the ladies faces, except maybe Minx that was laughing with pur glee, but that was expected

\- Ok, ok, I’m sorry. So George, how do we know that you’re not lying?  
\- I mean, Dream can back me up.  
\- I know about one of them, but not the other, no, so I guess it must have been before we met.  
\- Interesting. And do you have a question for the participants, Tommy?  
\- The same one, actually. How many girlfriends have you had, Dream?  
\- Three or four.  
\- And you’ve been single for how long after the last one?  
\- Nine months, I think?  
\- Wait, you had a girlfriend and you never told me about her?

George hadn’t wanted to say that out loud. But it was too late now, so he only hoped nobody would misunderstand the tone of his voice and think he was acting possessive of his friend. Still, Dream could have mentioned it in one of their private calls. Say that he was seeing someone, had to leave early because he was going out on a date, maybe brag a little bit about it, or confide about a dispute they just had because he needed to blow off some steam. Sure, it was a douchebag move to rub a relationship in a friend’s face when he was still single, but George already knew that Dream was a cocky bastard anyway, so it would have amused him more than make him angry.

\- Well, yeah, you know I like to keep my public life and my private life separated. 

Ouch. Okay, that stinged. A lot. Not to the point of faltering the polite smile he kept since the start of the show, he was a professional streamer after all, but still. Was that implying that George was not even a part of his private life and only his public life? And then Dream had the nerve to pretend he was his best friend. Wow. Just wow. He knew that Dream could be arrogant sometime, but now that reached a new level. Good thing that Tommy and his hyperactive mouth were there to take the floor and hide George’s silent breakdown, or else it would have ended really bad.

\- What happened? Why did it end?  
\- Hum… it… didn’t really work out.  
\- Why?  
\- Okay, no, let’s move on from that topic, Tommy. Do you have any other questions for the participants?  
\- Yes. How much money do you make?  
\- Tommy, that is so rude! You got to come out with better questions than that, you had hours to think about it! It was your homework!  
\- Then George, why did you get rid of Kacey? She was cool!  
\- Okay Tommy, that’s it, you’re muted for the next round. And you know what? Let’s bring another guest for the next questions!

This time, it has to be Sapnap or BadBoyHalo. So a pretty good chance that the rest of the stream will fly by in relative calm… or that’s what he thought until Snapnap’s voice exploded in his earphone.

\- DREAM!?! What the fuck, man! Why didn’t you tell me we could participate, you egocentric, stingy piece of shit! I wanted to seduce George too!  
\- Whoa, whoa, we stay calm here, okay? Before yelling in everybody’s ears, can you please introduce yourself and explain your relationship with mister George.  
\- Fine, my name’s Sapnap, I’m the other best friend of George, we talk every day, and he loves me more than Dream.  
\- So you’re here today to help guide George in his decision.  
\- Yeah, I wanted for George to get the perfect girl, until Dream has to be a cheating liar, so now I’m there to make him fall!

Dream was sounding like a whistling kettle in the background, banging on his desk to the point that George feared he would fall off his chair. Well, he would have feared it, if he wasn’t still pissed at him, so maybe Sapnap would win his bet this round. At the same time, George never wished more than to just slowly slide off his seat and disappear like he was never there in the first place. Problem is, the entire show was focused on him, so good luck for going unnoticed. At least, nobody was expecting him to react right now, since Sapnap was engaging in a flaming duel with Dream, all for the delectation of the chat.

\- How do you think it will affect our working environment if you two were to actually date!? No way I’m gonna be a third wheel!  
\- Dude, relax, we were always a love triangle, so it’s not like it’s going to change.  
\- So there will still be kisses, or is that off the table?  
\- You know the rule, always kiss the homies goodnight, so chill out.  
\- Chill out? How do you want me to chill out when you’ll be the one to have exclusivity of the crafting table! And since when are you attracted to men anyway?! I actually went on a date with a guy before, so I would know how to treat George better! 

Wait, what? Since when was Sapnap bisexual? Why did George never know about it? Was that all a joke? It has to be, it was just too big of a scene to be anything but that. Sapnap probably planned all that beforehand with Dream, like when they were preparing something for Dream SMP. Sapnap was a good actor when he wanted, he proved that by the past, and Dream was laughing his heart out right now, so it was clearly staged... Or would that mean that Sapnap was hiding things to George, too, and just claiming the title of best friend without really taking it seriously? The more he was thinking about it, the more George was feeling ill. And still, he couldn’t leave.

\- The only man that I’ll ever be into is George. I don’t need to date another one to know how to treat him, I only need to know him, and I’m pretty sure I know him better than you.  
\- How dare you!? How long have you been in love with George anyway? All your so called flirt were clearly jokes, don’t try to fucking fools us!  
\- Okay, fine, you want the truth? Yes, I was just doing it for the laughs. But then George got the glasses that help with colorblindness, and I was there when he decided to try them for the first time, not you. I was the one who had the honor to share this with him. And he was just so happy, and amazed by everything, and yeah, it made me really emotional, and that’s when I realized that I love him.

That was not fair. To take his favorite memory and use it against him while he was at his most vulnerable, exhausted by two hours of stream in a show he didn’t like and still mad at his two best friends for hiding things from him constantly. And even more unfair was to say all that in such a confident and affectionate voice that even George was starting to question if this was still a lie used to disguise Dream’s real presence on the show. And thinking like that was not good at all.

\- What? But it’s less than a month ago! I was in love with George way longer than that, how come…!  
\- Fuck off, Sapnap. You’re not in the competition, so go away.  
\- Well, he can’t really do that, because Sapnap, as a friend of George, has to ask something to all the participants.  
\- Yes, right, I do have decent questions for everybody. Except Dream, because he can kiss my ass. But are you all okay with falling asleep alone? Because George’s up at random times and screams when he’s recording, even at three or seven in the morning, so would you be able to deal with it?

George didn’t even try to listen to the responses given, but Quqco’s cuddly cat was adorable, though, and immediately won her this round. Then it was time for the elimination, and George just didn’t know what to do anymore. He was still hurt, so much that he could feel the pain inside his chest, making his fake smile dangerously falter. But how could he put Dream in the bottom three now that his mind was invaded by the memory of bright orange sunset over Bed Wars, or soft chuckles in front of colored wool walls? So he continued with his plan, choosing Kandyland for the elimination, and trying to not succumb to guilt when it was revealed that she had been there for love. 

\- Ok, so contestants, this entire show, you were talking nonstop about what you like in George, what you love, every positive thing you could think of. But, you haven’t said anything about what you don’t like about George!  
\- Yes, let’s go!  
\- Wow, such enthusiasm, Dream. Is there something about George that you dislike? You know, appart the fact that he’s not with you?  
\- Yeah, and that he’s inconsistent in his affection and his work. There’s some things that he should do a little quicker, like editing videos, or you know, growing a pair to confess his love to someone.  
\- And George, is there something about Dream that you don’t like?  
\- Yeah, he takes forever to respond to his messages.  
\- Well, that’s kind of a deal breaker in a relationship, for sure. Especially if you’re the jealous kind.  
\- I’m not, but I would appreciate some communication.

George couldn’t help it and looked directly at his webcam as he said this, with a stare that was maybe a little too cold, a voice that was maybe a little too dry. Fuck it if he was too transparent, fuck it if the fans started all these delirious theories about the secret meaning of his words to Dream. As Minx was explaining how difficult it was to not curse as an Irish girl, but how she was relieved to see that it seemed not that big of a deal after the explosive demonstration of Sapnap, the ring of a Discord’s message echoed briefly in the earphone of George, bringing his attention back to his second monitor for a fraction of second. 

Dream : im sorry  
Dream : i will explain everything after u chose me at the end of the show i promise

And just like that, he couldn’t stay mad at Dream anymore. Because under all the layers of calm arrogance and stupid jokes, there was the anxious and kind Dream that he knew. The stress out twenty-one years old that was confiding to him in the low light of dawn, about burnout and disapointment, about how much he wanted to give to the community and how hard he was working to give even more better content, or about the last accidental scandal that was leaving him awake in the middle of the night, terrorized at the idea that he could suddenly lost everything and everyone he loved. But George couldn’t respond to reassure him this time, couldn’t type on his keyboard without getting caught not listening to the other participants. So his eyes fixed his webcam again, with a discreet nod of recognition and a gentle smile on his lips, and immediately, Dream’s relieved chuckle was welcoming him back into the discussion. Meanwhile, Austin had released TommyInnit from his silent prison, and the teenager was gladly giving a loud speech about how stupid it was for stuck up adults like BadBoyHalo and others to keep their work family friendly when minors like him where already swearing like it was the end of the world.

\- I would just like to input that George used to swore like a sailor when I first met him. I used to never curse in the past and he converted me. So yeah, I’m the one who asked him to slow down when we started to make content.  
\- George, what is the worst word you know?  
\- Tommy, shut up.  
\- Austin, stop being mean to Tommy! If he’s staying up this late past his bedtime, he should at least have a few words!

Minx was clearly having the time of her life right now, and it was kinda nice to see her getting so comfortable with his eccentric group of friends while the other girls were either smiling uncomfortably, or downright terrified by the situation. In fact, the more he learned to know here, the more he started to see her in the last top three of the show. 

\- Can I say that the chat is spamming “muscle not found” as a response to the question?  
\- Tommy!  
\- What? I’m not the one who wrote it!

Aaah, there it was, one of the first reasons he had so much difficulty finding a girl. He knew he was thin and small. Knew that he would never develop a magnificent beard. Knew how sometimes, his hands were moving in a way that some would qualify too “delicate” for their taste. As he grew older, it was something he just learned to accept, the same way he accepted the fact that he would probably never find a woman with whom to share the rest of his life. Of course, time could always surprise him, he was still young after all, but he was already satisfied with his life so why bother to change it? 

\- I know it doesn’t look like I do a lot of sport, and I mean, with the lockdown and all that’s kinda difficult, but I used to play some tennis and a little bit of foot, you know. 

The rest of the contestants didn’t have a lot to criticize, until Daniel suddenly dropped the bomb that she had heard on social media he was known to have jealousy issues, which was instantly received with torrent of laughter from not only George, but all his friends combined. Of course, Tommy immediately jumped at that chance to cause further discord. 

\- Nah, we know who really gets jealous, look. Hey George, who do you prefer, Dream or Sapnap?  
\- Too easy, he doesn’t have to answer it.  
\- Oh, fuck off Dream!

As Sapnap and Dream were once again duelling with words to know which one was the true favorite, Minx eyes were sparkling with amusement, and soon, she was putting more fire into the mixt by asking George how he would react if someone slapped his partner’s ass in a club. Which again, was a good opportunity for Tommy to try humiliating him more.

\- Would you cry?  
\- Well… Let’s talk about the build of this guy, because you know, I’m not a very strong person myself.  
\- George, the only man smaller than you would be a child.

Dream again, never missing one about his height. George was pretty sure that, once they’ll finally see each other in Florida, the guy will do everything to lean over him with an elbow put over his head just to taunt him. George wouldn’t mind. It’s a good position to better punch him directly in the liver, and make him regret his mockery. 

\- I mean, what am I supposed to do in this situation? I think it would be better to resolve the issue with words.  
\- So what would you say to him?  
\- Tommy, shut up!  
\- What, we need details!  
\- Well, George, if something like that ever happens, and you’re with me, I was in the US national team for Taekwondo, so I got your back. 

Oh. That was… interesting. So not only Daniel was a nice and pretty girl, but she would be able to round-kick him on his back, too? Okay, that was kinda hot. Not that he will ever say that out loud, though.

\- I’m not… I’m not really a confrontational person…  
\- So you’ll not be able to say what you don’t like about each participant.  
\- I don’t think it would help the discussion, no. And I don’t really have any negatives, to be honest.

Of course Austin would try to stir up some more drama to make his show interesting, but George was not stupid enough to fall into that trap. Still, it’s with a twinge to the heart that he voted Qucko off, because even if she seemed the sweetest, he kinda had a type that he didn’t dare to say out loud… and that wasn’t the submissive or shy one.

\- So the next question is, what a future with George would look like with you?  
\- Easy.  
\- Oh yeah? What would it be for you, Dream?  
\- The same project we already talked about, right George? You get your american visa, come live with me in Florida, and maybe let Sapnap take the guest room.  
\- Too kind of you, Dream, really.

Tommy snorted at the sarcastic tone of Sapnap, but was probably too tired by now to think about interrupting the discussion. Which was not a surprise, the show was now at his third hour, and was clearly going for another one before the final. 

\- So yeah, we stream together, we eat together, we sleep together…  
\- Wait, what?  
\- ... and maybe once or twice a year we go back to the UK to visit your family. Or we take one week to visit them, and the other to do some sightseeing in another country before coming back. I don’t think there’ll be kids involved, I mean, we can adopt, but just taking care of Patches is already a lot so I don’t know if I would be good with more responsibility. So yeah, nothing really different from our actual lives, except that we wouldn’t have jet lag and you could see my face everyday. 

Yeah, they talked about the gamer’s house a number of times, and how it would be so much easier and fun to live as roommates, chatting around a pizza about their next project, or chill out in the living room after some intense MC Championship practice. One problem, though, was that Dream only had two bedrooms, and even with all their budget gathered together, they couldn’t buy a bigger house, not with the additional expenses for George’s immigration. So yeah, it was a silly wish that would probably never happen, but it was nice to think about it from time to time. But now that Dream had to make that stupide innuendo, George couldn’t help but imagine a scenario where it could be possible, and only asked him to sacrifice a little bit of intimity by sharing a room with Dream. They didn’t have to sleep in the same bed, after all, and since he was not truly interested in finding a girlfriend, it’s not like it would be a problem for him. But maybe it would be for Dream. He did have a girlfriend not so long ago, after all. Maybe he would look for another one in the near future, and want the privacy of his own bedroom. Same for Sapnap, the guy was still single, but George knew that he was actively looking for someone recently, since he was always lamenting in their private call how lonely he was. Talking about Sapnap, he was asking a second question since there was some minutes left on the timer, and… wait, did that mean George had spaced out again while the other contestants answered the previous question? What the fuck was wrong whit him?!

\- … talking about jealousy and stuff earlier, how are you gonna deal with the fact that men and women are gonna try to steal George from you constantly? Because I don’t know if you saw his twitter, but that guy has a lot of simps.  
\- I’ll kill them.

And just like that, Minx was waving a knife in front of her webcam, which was not even surprising at this point, and made everyone chuckle now that they were all acclimatized at her humor. But she soon corrected herself, explaining it was in fact empty threats, to the relief of Austin.

\- Obviously, I’ll just imagine boxing the nose of every one of them, not doing it in real life. But if they are threatening him, then I’ll kill them.

This time, the animator didn’t let her continue on this dangerous slope, and precipitately asked the other participants what was their response, which could be easily summarized by “I don’t need to worry, because good relationships are based on trust.” Then it was Dream’s turn to let hear his smug voice.

\- Almost all of these simps are secretly or openly dreamnotfound shippers, so why would I be jealous about people who would be the first to ally with me? 

And just like that, it was time to select someone for the elimination. The only problem was, there were only four participants now, which meant either he was putting Dream for the first time in the bottom three, or making him the only one to escape it, which would make everyone question his sexuality even more. But the thing was, Dream responses were exactly what George would have liked to hear the most from the other contestants, so what would be the more honest choice in his position? 

\- Minx… you’re in the bottom three. Peachachoo… you’re in the bottom three too, I’m sorry. Dream… you’re safe!  
\- Let’s go!!!

The surprised whistle from Minx did not even manage to bury the triumphant laughter of Dream, and it took considerable efforts to calm the man so that George could explain why he was eliminating Peachachoo for this round. 

\- The question of this round is, who do you think would be the worst choice for George? Not necessarily the worst person, just the least compatible.  
\- I don’t know Austin, they are super lovely, I don’t like this. Usually when I’m in the finals they are both toxic twats.  
\- That’s so generous of you, Minx!  
\- This is so tough, I have no problems with my opponents!  
\- I got a bunch.  
\- Oh, Dream, really?  
\- Minx doesn’t take anything seriously, and Daniel was a Disney princess, so as an Orlando guy... I don’t like that, and that’s the only thing I’ll say.

Behind the simple logo of green and white, it was so easy to imagine Dream with arms crossed behind his head and a satisfied smirk on his face. He knew how, as a close friend, he had the power to influence George and his decision, and was not even trying to hide it. Even more so as he was still sounding a little bit euphoric from his last victory, and everybody knew how competitif Dream could be, so of course he would have planified an attack against his adversaries when given the chance. The shocked silence that followed was the calm before the storm, erupting in an incomprehensible mixt of voices and laughters. It took some time for Austin to regain control of the situation, but fortunately, it didn’t take too long.

\- So participants, you said at the start of the show how you would win the heart of George, but you never said why you wanted his heart in the first place. Now’s the time for it! Minx?  
\- Because I think you’re very cute, George, and I do like some awkward boy that I can toss around. You grew on me. Normally, when I yell loudly, people do that sour face, but everytime you seem to find it funny, so yeah, I like that.  
\- Daniel, your turn.  
\- There’s no hesitation, why would anybody choose something other than “Love” for George? You’re humble, and sweet, and I think your friends are hilarious, and I love the way you react when they tease you. So yeah, I would love to know you more on screen as off screen.  
\- Dream?  
\- I may have already touched the subject when Sapnap was yelling at me, but I know George from a long time now, and since we first met, he’s become the most important person in my life. I don’t think I would ever find someone who could replace him, and I don’t think I wanna look out either.

… Fuck. Now George could feel the burn of his cheeks spread out to his entire face, ears and neck. It shouldn’t make him this pleased and warm inside. This was all lies, this was acting for a show, this was only a facade to help George have an exit in case he didn’t feel enough connexion with one of the two girls. So why did he have to repeat it in his mind to convince himself? It should be obvious! He wasn’t supposed to be the one falling in that sort of trap! No, no, it’s just because they were at the fourth hour of the show, and it was really late at night, and so that’s why he was not able to focus correctly, and why he was so easily confused by what was happening. That’s it. There was no other reason.

\- And the one who will not go to the last round is… Daniel, I’m sorry, it’s the end of the road.

He didn’t know why he made that choice. Like Dream said, Minx was the funny girl that you try to date one time, and realise that she would be a better friend. But Daniel, she was clearly his type. If it wasn’t for the distance, he could totally see them together. But maybe that’s why he chickened out at the last second. Because he wasn’t truly ready for a relationship, and got scared. Sure, it would be some fine lovey dovey couple of months, but then they would realize that it was going nowhere, and end it on good terms like his last relationship. Daniel clearly deserved better than wasting her time with him.

Maybe he should have eliminated Dream. Stopped playing safe and finally grew a pair, like his friend was accusing him. And now suddenly, it was the final round, and they would have to talk face to face before the last elimination, and George suddenly realized how his last choice led to the worst scenario possible. Dream was in the final. Which was nice for their initial plan, but, what the fuck would everybody else think about that?! Tommy and Sapnap were so over excited that Austin had to mute them both, especially the younger one who repeated in a loop “I knew it! I knew he was secretly gay!” So now what?! He would have no other choice but to go with Minx, just to prove a point that he was definitely straight? And what if she had chosen “Love” and not “Host” like he was hoping for? What if he really had to take her on a date only to tell her that it was a terrible mistake, and that he was in fact not truly interested in a relationship? She would castrate him on the spot for playing with her heart like that, and he would totally deserve it. So now that means he had no other choice but to choose Dream, and then reveal to everyone that it was their plan from the start, and say “sorry girls, I made you lose four hours of your time because I’m a coward” in the hope everybody will pardon him? What was wrong with him! Why did he accept the offer in the first place! This was the worst!

And why wasn’t he able to concentrate like a decent person! Minx was talking to him right now, she only had two minutes, and sure, she was repeating things previously stated in the last hours, but he could at least make an effort!

\- Two minutes, Dream.  
\- Thank you Austin. Hey, George?  
\- Y-yeah?  
\- I… don’t know what to say.  
\- You were an insufferable cocky bastard during the whole show, and now you don’t know what to say.  
\- Ah ah, looks like that, yeah. But you know me. I don’t like mixing public and private matters together. And this right now, you know… it’s pretty public.  
\- Oh...  
\- You should have chosen Daniel. She was totally your type.  
\- Who would have you chosen, if you were in my place?  
\- You, of course. But that would have been impossible, since, you know, you would have been too chicken to push the joke as far as to enter the participant list.  
\- I would have totally put the joke as far.  
\- Yeah, only if you were betting with Sapnap. And because I would know that it’s a joke, I would have eliminated you at the last round just to mess with you.  
\- You said that you would have chosen me.  
\- I would have changed my mind by the time the show finished.  
\- You’re such an asshole, you wouldn’t even have listened to the other participants!  
\- Yeah, so what? If she’s cute enough to go into the final, I would take the time to know her more on our first date.  
\- I hate you so much…  
\- Why, because I would have chosen a pretty girl over you?

The timer’s bell saved him at the last second, because he would have not been able to respond. So he just stared at his monitor, a little shocked, a little lost. Slowly realizing that once again, maybe Dream’s was right. He would have taken it personal, maybe pout an entire day before accepting to talk back to Dream, and then tease him over his new “girlfriend” like it hadn’t been a big deal. And he didn't know why he would have reacted like that. Just that he totally would. 

\- George? Hello?  
\- Hum, yeah, Austin, sorry.  
\- How are you feeling?  
\- … Not good.  
\- Scare that you could ruin a friendship with your best bud?  
\- No, I know Dream. Whatever happens, our relationship will stay solid.  
\- Are you ready to choose?  
\- … Not like I have any other choice, right?

His fingers hitted his keyboard without hesitation. He already knew from the start how this would end. After all, he was, and will always be, a coward. Soon, this terrible experience would be behind him. Something for his friends to mock from time to time, and nothing more. Never had he looked so much toward tomorrow. 

\- Alright. The winner of Love of Host, featuring Georgenotfound, with an audience record never seen before on the show… IS DREAM, CONGRATULATION!!! 

George was hiding a nervous laugh behind his hand while Minx widened her eyes in pure shock. Losing against a man for the pretend love of a straight guy, that sure would feel like a low blow. The chat was hysteric, spamming rainbow hearts and exclamations in capital letters. But it was not over yet, because it was still time to reveal whether the participants had chosen “Love” or “Host”. And at the general surprise, Minx had picked the first one, because of course George had to feel like a horrible man for the rest of the week. 

\- So here we go, the couple the most loved by fans is here in front of us, even after both of them clearly mentioned that they were mostly straight. But was it a lie from Dream this whole time? Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the response, because Dream chose… LOVE!

Wait.

What?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, me telling I would post the second chapter next month? Well, that was a lie. Look like I pushed all my work aside to finish this fanfic because I was just too hooked up by the story... So yay for you all, I guess xD
> 
> I want to repeat, even more than ever, that this story and its characters are completly fictif, even if inspired by real peoples and events. I don't know shit about the past relationships of the Dream Team, the same way that the sexual orientation I gave to their character don't represent the reality. Both were chosen strictly for the themes I wanted to explore in this work. So if there's only one thing to retain from this second chapter, I hope you'll remember the sentences : "You're the only person to decide what you are and what you are not. Nobody can impose a label on you except yourself."
> 
> That said, enjoy your reading!

For a brief moment, Austin, the show, the chat, all faded out of reality. It was like white static in his mind, taking even more echo into Dream’s silence. And then came the nervous, uncontrollable laughter, because how else would he hide the dark cold blooded rage that was suddenly flooding in his vein?

\- Weren’t you supposed to take “Host” to make things less awkward once I choose you?  
\- I mean, we already stream together almost everyday, so I thought…  
\- … that it would be soooo funny to choose “Love” to shock everyone and please the fans, right?

Oh yeah, he was joking alright. All smile and honey for the public. He didn’t even know why he was suddenly so pissed off, and didn’t even care to analyze himself right now. All he had to do was patiently wait for the end of the stream, and then never mention it ever again. But no, Dream had to push his buttons even further, because why would he do anything else!

\- Don’t tell me you still don’t believe in my love for you!  
\- Oh, I don’t know Dream, maybe it’s because you begged me to participate in this show by promising that I could use you as an alibi, if I’m too shy to take any of the girls on a date. 

George still had laughter in his voice, but Dream’s chuckles died in the background, replaced by the exclamations of Austin about this even more surprising turnaround. Whatever. Even if his “friend” realized that he messed up, George knew he would bounce back quickly the second the projectors would go back to him, because that’s what their public life required, right?

\- Don’t tell me you two have been fooling us all along!  
\- Hey, if the competitors have the right to do it by choosing “Host”, seems pretty unfair to not give the same joker to the main participant, right?  
\- Dream, always two steps ahead in every situation! George’s lucky to have a best friend like you.  
\- Always a pleasure to save his ass in the most difficult situation.  
\- What an ending, ladies and gentlemen! A first ever seen on this show! Don’t forget to go visit our sponsor before leaving, and see you next month for a new episode of Love and Host! 

George should have felt relieved after finally exiting the zoom call. He was not. Removing his earphone to better massage the abused cartilage, the silence of his room welcomed him like a punch in the guts, leaving him nauseous. For several long seconds, his eyes just fixed the ceiling, head as empty as his tired soul. On his second monitor, Discord displayed an incoming call from Dream, but he ignored it. He felt enough disgusting and disgusted for today, thank you very much. 

At least the almost burning warm of the shower cleared his head a little. His phone had buzzed on the countertop almost nonstop, but he didn’t even bother to look at the notifications once back in his bedroom, dried and clad in his favorite pyjamas. Strangely enough, sleep came to him easily, but that didn’t mean he would wake up the day after with a refreshed mind. The sun was high in the sky when he opened his eyes, noises coming from his window to make him remember that life was still going on outside his bedroom. And he was still feeling empty. The anger came back, however, when he finally opened his messages, all while chewing a sad breakfast that felt like ashes in his mouth.

Today at 5:18  
Sapnap : hey dream has been trying to contact u for hours  
Sapnap : he worry about u  
Sapnap : is everything alright?  
Sapnap : u know u can talk to me right?  
Sapnap : just hope u dont take seriously the fight me and dream had for the show

Today at 4:36  
Dream : please im sorry  
Dream : it was a bad idea i messed up let me talk to u  
Dream : gogy fuck i cant lose u like that  
Dream : i will do everything just call me

Liars, all of them. George let them on read, munching his toasts with renewed energy before finally composing BadBoyHalo’s number. If there’s one person who was always honest, whatever the circumstance, it was definitely him.

\- George, hi! How are you?  
\- Hey, what are you doing?  
\- Just chilling, it’s still a little too early for working. Do you need help for something?  
\- Just want to talk. Did you see Austin’s show yesterday?  
\- Of course! Got me a little bit confused, but it looked fun!  
\- … Fun.  
\- Yeah! Receiving all these compliments must have been nice! You always say that girls are not into you, but look at all the love and attention they were giving! And the contestants were all so cute and beautiful!  
\- …  
\- You know, that’s okay if you didn’t want to get into a relationship in the end. I mean, with the lockdown and all, it’s not really a good time for it anyway. But at least now, you know that it’s possible for you to find someone when you’ll be ready!  
\- …  
\- Georgie? Is everything alright?  
\- I… I don’t know. 

For a brief moment, he heard the sound of clothes shifting and chair cracking as if Bad was getting away from the phone, then the distinct whisper of the man saying “I’m calling you back later, Skeppy, okay?” before the bip of a Discord conversation getting closed. Of course. Talk to one, the other would never be that far. But why would that make George feel so bitter suddenly?

\- Hey, I’m here for you if you wanna talk. What’s the problem?  
\- … Did you ever get angry with Skeppy? Like, really angry.  
\- All the time, the guy’s the worst muffin alive. Why? Did something happen with Dream?  
\- But you still like him a lot, right?  
\- Who, Skeppy? Yeah, of course. I mean, it’s probably the most toxic relationship I ever had, but he’s my friend.  
\- So you will just… pardon him everything?  
\- Well, maybe not everything, but when he’s unbearable, I know it’s just because he wants my attention really really bad, and not because he wants to be mean. So it helps.  
\- Does he never push it too far?  
\- Sometimes. Yes. But he always comes back with sincere excuses after that. Georgie, why does I have the impression we’re not really talking about Skeppy right now?  
\- Just, did you… Did you ever find yourself wondering sometime if… he was serious, when saying that he’s in love with you?  
\- … Oh muffin. 

Dying from shame, George let his forehead hit the edge of the table in a groan, free arm over his head like trying to bury himself under it. His entire face was burning and his mind was spinning in his skull, so close to the evident question he needed to ask, but still refusing to even consider it with every fiber of his being. 

\- George, I think you should contact Eret.  
\- Why?  
\- I don’t think I’m the right person to help you with this.  
\- Why Eret?  
\- Well, you know…  
\- I’m not gay.  
\- Okay, first, Eret’s not gay, they’re bi, and…  
\- And I am nothing like them! Do you think I’ll suddenly put dresses on and…  
\- Do you even listen to yourself?! This has nothing to do with the fact that they’re bi, but because they’re genderfluid, and you know that.  
\- … You’re right. I’m sorry.  
\- I’ll pardon you, because right now you’re a muffinhead with a lot to think of, but I never want to hear anything like that again.  
\- Yeah….  
\- And if you ever wanted to, you would be adorable in a dress and it would never make you less of a man.  
\- … I’ll act as if you did not say the last part, but thank you.  
\- You’re welcome. Now go call Eret, and know that I love you and that I’ll always be there for you no matter what, okay?

As he was calling Eret, the ringing echoed for a long time, but just as George was about to hang up, the man finally answered with a nervous laughter. Which was unusual since they were so confident in all situations, and by that, George was talking about real confidence, not the false mask that Dream would put on sometime to look calm in front of his viewers.

\- Am I interrupting a stream?  
\- Not really, no. It’s two in the morning in California.  
\- I’m so sorry, I’m gonna…!  
\- No, no, that’s okay, I was already up because of an emergency.  
\- Is everything okay? I can call back if…  
\- It’s fine, I have time now. What can I do for you, George?  
\- Hum, I don’t know if you heard about it, but I participated in Austin’s show yesterday…  
\- Love or Host, yeah, I just saw it.  
\- … Really? Why?  
\- Well, someone told me you were in it, so I…  
\- Who?

Then suddenly, Eret was silent, and George knew.

\- Your emergency was a call from Dream, right?  
\- … George, listen, I know how it looks right now, but I’m not here to take one side or another. I just wanna help.  
\- Then you could start by telling Dream that maybe he should stop hiding everything from his supposed best friend.  
\- No, because you’ll tell him that yourself.  
\- Why did he call you?  
\- That’s between him and me, George. And if you have to know, then he’s the one who should tell you, not me.  
\- … I gotta go.  
\- George, no, you called me for a reason, so stay and tell me. Please. I understand that you’re angry right now, but I’m not your enemy here. Nobody is.

George tilted his head back to fix the ceiling again, feeling stupid and powerless. He wasn’t himself right now. He didn’t even know why he was acting like this, or maybe he already knew and was just doing everything in his power to not question it. Better let someone do the work in its place, and so he let everything out. The feeling of betrayal after learning about the secret ex girlfriend of Dream, the sensation of being manipulated by the one he trusted in favour of the fans…

\- … and all the way to the end, there were all these mixed signals and just, what does he want from me?! One time he says that I’m not important enough to learn about his private stuff because I’m part of his public sphere, then the next he says that he doesn’t want to express all his sentiments about me in front of the viewers because now suddenly I’m part of his private life... but then he tells in front of everyone that he had fallen in love with me while recording the colorblind glasses video, and says that he had to make his love declaration public so that I finally take it seriously? What am I supposed to believe or not anymore! What says that he will not lie to me again, or push the subject away like nothing happened just to minimize the drama and save his career!?  
\- Do you really think Dream would do that?  
\- I don’t know anymore! Did he even consider me as a friend or just a professional partner? That show made me so confused, I hate it!  
\- Why are you not telling him all this, George? Why me?  
\- That… that was BadBoyHalo’s idea. Told me you would be better than him to help me.  
\- … George, I want you to be honest with me right now, and I promise you that whatever you’ll tell me, it’ll stay only between us. But what are your feelings for Dream?  
\- I… I’m not gay, I…  
\- That wasn’t my question.

With anxiety nibbling his stomach, George took his plate to the kitchen’s sink, phone jammed between his ear and shoulder. Jittering with stress, he resumed to lean against the counter, playing nervously with the hem of his grey hoodie with his free hand. 

\- … Before all that, he… he made me feel safe. Like everything bad could happen, and he would still find us a way out, just because that’s Dream and he can do anything if his heart’s in it. And he was making me laugh, and smile, and just… happy, because it’s always fun to play with him, or just talk to him. Even when he felt sad, it was nice to know I could be there for him, return the favor, because he’s just so generous with everything, and… and I don’t know, it’s like suddenly, it will never be the same, and it scares me.  
\- Why would it not be the same?  
\- I don’t know, what if… what if he’s not that interested in me anymore? What if he’s just there because the fans like to ship us, but not because he really likes me? I mean, yeah, he would not talk to me about all his personal stuff if he didn’t see me as a friend, but that doesn’t mean he still sees me as his best friend, or else he would have told me everything, right?  
\- Is it that important to you, being the best friend of Dream?  
\- Well, he’s mine, so… Fuck, just forget it, that sounds so childish.  
\- Not really, no. You just like him very much and want it to be reciprocal, that’s totally normal.  
\- The way you say it, it’s like I have a big fat crush on him.  
\- … Have you ever heard about the difference between romantic and sexual orientation? For example, asexuals who are not intersted in sex but can still fall in love… or straights that can have a deep affection for people of the same sex even if they don’t want them in their bed.

It was like standing on the edge of a precipice, and with weak and uncertain steps, George regained the safety of his room to better fall on his bed, tightening his sheets in a protective cocoon around his silhouette. His voice was only a whisper as his breath caught in his throat. 

\- So you think that is what’s happening to me?  
\- How should I know? You’re the only person to decide what you are and what you are not, George. Nobody can impose a label on you except yourself.  
\- Then what if I am straight, but… you know.  
\- Biromantic? Then nothing changes. You just put a word on what was already there to better understand it.  
\- Oh. So… that’s it?  
\- Yeah, that’s it. After, it's your choice if you want to make it public or not, but it’s not an obligation. Especially with our job, internet can be the fucking worse with that.  
\- Hm…

His mind was going blank again, but the sensation of emptiness and loneliness was now replaced with something else. Something shy, but strangely serene at the same time. 

\- Hey, Eret?  
\- Yes?  
\- You were talking about asexuals, and I was wondering if… I don’t know, that’ll sound stupid.  
\- Or maybe not. Give it a try.  
\- … I don’t know, it’s just like, I don’t think I am one, because when I had a girlfriend we were kinda crazy on sex, and… sorry, maybe that’s TMI.  
\- It’s okay, continu.  
\- But yeah, once I got back to single, I just… didn’t really feel like I needed it anymore? And I don’t know if it’s normal, or…  
\- Have you ever heard about demisexuals?  
\- Eret, I didn’t even know there was a difference between romantic and sexual attraction ten minutes ago, so don’t put that much hope on me, please.  
\- Okay, so demisexuality is when you don’t really feel sexual desire until you find someone with whom you deeply connect. So you can say that in this case, the sexual attraction is strongly linked with the romantic orientation.  
\- So… if someone is biromantic, for example, then they could be sexually interested in someone of any gender as long as they are in love with them, right?  
\- Yeah.  
\- But if they never felt in love with someone of the same sex in the past, they would have never know that this could be a possibility, right?  
\- You could say that, yes.

It started to feel too warm in the cocoon, and George struggled an instant with the sheets before finally rolling on his back. Still fragile and delicate like a baby bird, the new sensation was now making its nest in his belly, and he let the feeling bubble up to his brain in the hope that it would dislodge the doubts plaguing his mind. 

\- Do you think that’s what Dream was trying to say, when he said he was not attracted to any other men except me?  
\- I don’t know, George. That’s something you’ll have to ask him, not me.  
\- …  
\- Are you scared of what he could answer?  
\- Never took the time to think about it, to be honest. Always thought that it could just be jokes.  
\- But now you think it could be something else?  
\- Maybe, I don’t know. Did he tell you about it, or…?  
\- Even if it was the case, I would not say a word, you already know that.  
\- Can’t blame me for trying my luck… And Eret?  
\- Hm?  
\- Thank you.  
\- No problem, George. But now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna try going back to sleep.

It was the middle of the afternoon in London when George hung up, and still, he hesitated as his fingers hovered over Dream’s phone number. He had time. He wanted to think a little more. At least, he was calm now, or just enough to be a little more productive and do some editing. The video of Dream playing as a horse was supposed to go out before the end of the month, after all. It was strange, replaying the enregistrement and hearing them acting so… normal. As if there was suddenly a clear before and after the Love and Host show. Something that they could never go back to, or at least not totally the same way. As past Dream and George were laughing at manhunt references, or the time Dream tried to beat Minecraft while getting electrocuted, the warmth in George’s heart slowly got eaten by the insecurities of the future. So when he finally left his computer for supper, his hand froze again over his phone, hesitant, before finally composing Sapnap’s number.

\- George! Why didn’t you call earlier!?  
\- I had work to do, and…  
\- Do you think I have the word “stupid” writen on the forehead?  
\- … and I had to think.  
\- About what?! Dream and you are acting so fucking strange since yesterday! Austin’s show ended, everything was fine, and suddenly Dream’s calling me in the middle of the night because you’re not responding to his message, and he’s scared shitless that you’ll never want to talk to him ever again! What the fuck happenned?!  
\- It’s... complicated. What did he say?  
\- Almost nothing, the bastard. You know, when he has that strained voice, like everything is alright but he’s clearly on the verge of a panic attack? Fuck I hate it when he’s doing that…  
\- Nick, what did he say.  
\- That he pushed you too far, and that he was an idiot, but he refused to explain why. Just told me to contact you to make sure everything’s alright. So are you gonna explain what the fuck is going on, or are you gonna keep me in the dark too?  
\- … I don’t know where to start, to be honest. I’m not even sure if I understand everything right now.  
\- Okay, that’s some cryptic bullshit.  
\- Fuck you, Sapnap. It’s not that easy.  
\- So you don’t even know why you’re angry with Dream?  
\- No, that’s not… It’s just… kinda the same reason I was angry with you, I guess.  
\- What! What did I do?! Is it because of the false fight between Dream and me? Fuck, George, it’s not the first time we used that prank, why is it bothering you so much now!?  
\- It didn’t! I just… I don’t know, I was tired, and stressed out because of the show, and I got confused I guess.  
\- What do you mean, confused? You really thought that we were arguing over your pancake ass?!  
\- No! But you mentioned that you had a date with a guy in the past, and it just… made me realise that maybe you were hiding things to me, important things, and didn’t really see me like a true friend… 

A long silence responded to his fears, before Sapnap’s relieved laugh sizzled out of his phone. 

\- Dude, that’s really not what you think it is! Just, okay, that’s a long story, but it’s so stupide, really. I think it was like, four years ago? There was, like, this school trip to Disneyland in California for only a small group of students with really good grades and all, to reward us just after the final exams. You know, the ones where you have to sell a bunch of chocolate to help finance the trip? Anyway, that’s not the point. The thing is, people started to flirt a lot in the bus to get there, because you know, teenagers, and soon nobody wanted to be, like, the loser who will end up alone in the rides while everyone are in a cute date in fucking Disneyland. And you know, I was kinda the only intelligent kid in my group of friends, so I ended up sitting with the shy kid in the back of the bus, and at one point he turned to me and asked me all scared if I would be okay with being his date at Disneyland. And you know, I grew up in a pretty homophobic school, so let that be said, that guy had massive balls of steel to ask me this. So I told myself, why the fuck not, I don’t really think I’m gay, but I never tried it, so who know, that could be fun. And yeah, it was a blast, and the guy was a really great dude, but at the end it just confirmed that I was as straight as it could get, so we decided to stay friends, and that’s the end of the story. So yeah, it’s not like I was hiding that part of my life from you or anything, I just kinda forget about it because it was a benign anecdote, you know?  
\- Oh…  
\- What, you thought that I was hiding from you that I was not straight or something?  
\- … Maybe?  
\- Damnit, George! Don’t tell me you got scared because you suddenly thought that I wanted to date you!  
\- No, it didn’t even cross my mind! And why would I be scared of you getting a crush on me just because you could be bisexual? It’s like saying that we should all avoid Eret because they could fall in love with one of us, that’s so stupid.  
\- Good point. So it was really just you freaking out because you thought, what, that me and Dream didn’t love you enough to talk to you about everything?  
\- … Kinda? That sounds so lame when it’s said like this.  
\- Hey, better being lame than being a real problem that could ruin our friendship. And like you said, that was a late shit show, yesterday. No surprise it put your mind in a fucking tangled mess. But you should really call Dream, dude. I don’t even wanna guess in what state of despair he’s in right now, the guy really doesn't know how to deal with anxiety when left alone.  
\- …  
\- What? Why did you just go silent? Is there something wrong with Dream?  
\- … Fuck, I don’t know.  
\- What?  
\- It’s just… I called Eret this morning.  
\- Eret? Why?  
\- Because Darryl told me so, said it could help me. Anyway, the thing is, when he responded, I discovered he just got off a call with Dream.  
\- What? But why would Dream… Noooooo, wait. Are you saying… Do you think that… Oh shit, I don’t believe it!

Once again, Sapnap’s loud laugh was ringing in his ear as George was looking for some food in his fridge, opting in the end to make a simple sandwich because he really had not the mental strength to cook anything complexe right now.

\- Stop laughing, that’s not funny!  
\- Yeah, yeah, I know, but I mean, dude! You really think Dream contacted Eret in a big gay panic because of what heppened yesterday?  
\- I don’t know! I thought he would have told you, since you know each other for so long!  
\- George, we are talking about Dream. The guy can’t even show his face to his closest friends even after months of playing Minecraft with them, because he’s terrified that they would be “disappointed” by his look. Of course he would never let anybody know about his sexuality if he’s scared that it’ll change how we perceive him. I mean, would you tell me, if you suddenly realize that you had a big fat crush on Dream after a show that was supposed to be a joke?  
\- …  
\- … No way. No fucking way! That’s why Bad told you to call Eret!  
\- Shut up, it’s…! It’s not easy, okay?  
\- Sorry, sorry, it’s just… Damn, it’s like, I feel like I knew all along, and not at the same time?  
\- You’re the worst, that’s why nobody tells you anything.  
\- George, please, I’m listening, I’m listening, I promise!

And so he told him everything. About what he learned with Eret, and how it was suddenly making so much sense, but still felt a little bit scary because it was all so new, and how could he be sure when he had so little experience in relationships? For once, Sapnap listened without saying a word, and without being the usual asshole that needed to make a joke about everything, because George loved to surround himself with this type of person, apparently. But it was nice, being able to tell someone else what was invading his mind, and not fear of being ridiculed or rejected for it. 

\- So you say that you could be biromantic and demisexual.  
\- Yes.  
\- But you’re still not sure if you have something for Dream or not.  
\- Dream’s my friend, Nick.  
\- So what? You’re the one that is attracted to deep connections with people, so doesn’t it make you more inclined to fall for close friends?  
\- Well, I’m close to you and I wouldn’t touch you even with a six foot pole.  
\- Ouch, okay, maybe I deserved it.  
\- Anyway, I’m pretty sure Dream would not be interested anyway.  
\- Well, he called Eret, so…  
\- … so maybe he was feeling that something was off with me, and wanted to talk to Eret to know how to approach the discussion without giving me a breakdown.  
\- But are you interested in Dream?  
\- How should I know! I have no idea! I just… I’m happy that we are friends. Should this not be enough? Would it not be awkward if we suddenly started dating?  
\- Not… really? I mean, there’s a reason you and Dream are so easy to ship.  
\- Shut up, as if it was a reasonable argument. Fans would ship anyone exchanging two phrases together just because “it could be cute”.  
\- Yeah, but that’s not what I’m trying to say. It just already feels like you’re both dating, even if it’s all a joke, you know? Not that you should totally do it, but if it has to happen, I don’t think people would mind. Well, the fans would mind a lot the second you’ll make it public, but it would be like giving a big juicy steak to a pack of hungry dogs, so it’s kinda expected at that point.  
\- I don’t know, Sapnap. I don’t want to think about it.  
\- Fine with me, I was just saying.  
\- … I need to eat, I think I should go.  
\- No problem, dude. And just, you know, thank you. For trusting me with all of this. It means a lot. 

The sandwich tasted way better than the toast of this morning, to the point that George made himself a second one now that his appetite was back. But even still, he wasn’t ready to afront a call to Dream. It was pure cowardice at this point, he knew that. Knew that Dream was probably feeling terrible right now and that he was making his suffering last longer for no good reason. And so George was going back and forth between calling on his phone, or on Discord, or maybe just send a text to test the water. But after maybe ten different phrases erased just as quickly as they were written, he just gave up and falled face down on his bed, screaming his frustration in his mattress. Because the thing was, he really started to miss Dream. Way more than he was willing to admit to himself. 

And still, he didn’t call. Because the more he was thinking about how the discussion could go, the more he was getting restless, legs kicking the sheets as he was doing and redoing one scenario after the other in his head. Until suddenly, he was opening his eyes, and it was the next day. He had slept all night without realising it, and it was so early that it was just painful to see the hour on his phone. Which was dangerously low on battery now, so maybe he should plug it quickly if he still intended to call Dream… Fuck, he was the worst. And Florida was probably deep into the middle of the night, right now, so it’s not like he could call right now without being a stupid jerk. 

So back to editing it was, even if he was clearly less productive than yesterday, his mind always going back to Dream and his worries. Then finally, it was past noon, and he had no other good reasons to delay any longer the inevitable. His phone was still charging on his nightstand, out of reach, so Discord it would be, and with a deep sight, George gathered the little courage that inhabited him, and started a video call. It took less than two seconds, and suddenly, Dream was in front of him. With tangled blonde hair, light stubbles on his chin, deep dark circles under puffy eyes… and no shirt on as he was struggling to get out of his bed. 

Suddenly, everything aligned as the warm sensation exploded inside George, submerging him entirely with a new and boulversing realisation. And it wasn’t the first time Dream was showing him his face, so how the fuck did George managed to blind himself for so long about the fact that his friend was so fucking hot!? It was almost a miracle that he managed to keep his cool, ignoring the acceleration of his deafening heartbeat pulsing in his temples. 

\- Did I wake you up? Your icon was green, I tought…  
\- I’m awake, I’m awake. I didn’t really sleep to be honest… no, forget what I just said, fuck, let me just grab something to wear, and I…  
\- Hey, relax, everything alright. I’m going nowhere. And you can turn your camera off, you know? That’s what you do normally.  
\- I think it’s important enough, if… Unless you don’t want to see my face, which I would totally understand, you know, I was such an ass and…  
\- Dream, calm down. I’m not angry anymore.  
\- You should.  
\- I’m the one who can decide that, not you.

Dream froze for a second, hesitant, before sighing and letting himself fall back down his pillow, one hand still keeping his phone in balance while the other rubbed his crumpled face. 

\- Sorry, I look like a mess.  
\- Nah, that’s okay. You look cute.

No, fuck, he didn’t want to say that out loud! What was wrong with him! Dream was clearly joking during Austin’s show, there was no proof that he would be interested, so why did he have to betray himself like that! But then, Dream let out a nervous laugh while looking away with a shy smile, and maybe it has been worth it. 

\- I take it that you’ve pardoned me, but… I still think we should talk.  
\- Yeah, I think too.  
\- I… I’m sorry I let you in the dark about my participation. And pushed you to go on the show in the first place. I should have thought about your feelings before thinking about what would make great content for the viewers.  
\- Yeah, that was a jerk’s move. But I’m kinda used to it with you, so it’s not what really pissed me off.  
\- … Fuck, I’m that bad of a friend?  
\- The worst.

Of course, he wasn’t thinking any of it, smiling like a big idiot and joining in Dream’s chuckle when the man realized he was teasing him. The bantering was coming as easily as before, but still, it felt slightly different. Maybe because now, it was just impossible for George to act irritated, as affection was spilling out of his heart without his own consent. As if, after subconsciously lied to himself for all this time, his mind just wasn’t able to do it anymore. Now, the previous comments of his friends were making so much sense that it was embarrassing. Had he been so obvious without even realising what he was doing?

\- So… what made you angry, then?  
\- You’ll find it ridiculous, but… your comment about how you seperate your private and public life. It just… hurted a lot to hear you say that just after telling me about an ex-girlfriend that I never heard about, like I wasn’t enough of a friend to deserve knowing about it.  
\- … Shit, I should have known it would come back to bite me in the ass, I was so stupid.  
\- So, what’s the story? If you want to tell me about it, of course.  
\- I want to, it’s just… complicated. Okay, the truth is, I kinda ended up being a total asshole, and I’m not really proud of it. Started to date her because I wanted to prove myself something, and no surprise, I just didn’t give her the attention that she would have deserved. So yeah, it was kinda meant to end up from the beginning, and I don’t know, I tried to convince myself that it was the reason I didn’t wanna present her to my closest friends… That, and the fact that I didn’t tell her about my youtube channel, in case she decided to leak my infos after we broke up.  
\- And what was the last reason?  
\- Hm?  
\- You said that “you tried to convince yourself” that it was the reason you didn’t want us to meet her.  
\- Oh, yeah, hum, right, sure. Fuck, okay, that’ll sound hypocritical, especially after what I did to you in Austin’s show… but I didn’t want her to see me interact with you. Because you know, our relationship was already going so badly, she kinda started to act jealous and possessive, which you know, I can understand since it was partially my fault, feeding in her insecurities and all. So yeah, I got scared that she would jump to conclusions with all our false flirting, and maybe start to bully you for it…  
\- Fuck, Dream, why didn’t you tell us about it? We would have told you to get out of this shit sooner!  
\- I know, but I was so ashamed to have let things escalate, and I don’t know, I wanted to solve this by myself, since I was responsible of it all…  
\- Dream, you don’t have to shoulder all your problems alone, you know? That’s what friends are for.  
\- Yeah, I know, I… I’m trying to work on it.  
\- That’s why you contacted Eret when I didn’t respond to your texts?

George realised he messed up when Dream suddenly widened his eyes in silent horror. Shit, that’s right, he wasn’t supposed to know. 

\- Did they tell you that, or…  
\- No, no! I kinda guessed it by myself when they told me they were woken up in the middle of the night because of an emergency... and then that he just saw Austin’s show after learning “by someone” that I was in it.  
\- Damn, since when do you have the deduction of Sherlock Holmes?  
\- It was just a lucky guess, to be honest. And the fact that Eret just spilled the beans once I asked them about it, but they refused to tell me the reason you called them.  
\- Oh, that’s… that’s nice, I guess.

Okay, now Dream was doing everything in his power to not look at him in the eyes. Maybe that's why he didn’t want to show his face as often, he was so transparent when he couldn’t hide behind his measured deep voice. 

\- You’re not curious about why I had called Eret?  
\- I mean, it’s your private life, so I don’t...  
\- Dream, I’m not straight.  
\- … Oh.  
\- He helped me figure this out yesterday, so it’s kinda new, but… I’m pretty sure it’s the case.  
\- So you are…  
\- Biromantique. And demisexual.  
\- I see.  
\- ... You’re not asking what is it?  
\- I, hum, kinda already know? I mean, when Eret got on Dream SMP, it made me realise that there was so much stuff I didn’t know about the community, and since we’re getting more and more views from all sorts of people, I started to do some research to be a better ally, you know? 

Of course. That was so Dream, doing everything in his power to be a good role model just in case some of his viewers would need a safe space to take refuge. But still, the word “ally” echoed in George’s brain like a clear confirmation that his newfound crush would have to die really soon, or else it would become painful for everyone. Dream was straight, it was getting more and more clear now, and between having a great friend or a potential partner, George already knew what he wanted. 

\- So now that you know, do you still want to continue the flirting as a joke for the fans, or would that make it too awkward?  
\- Why would that be awkward? Because you’re not straight doesn’t mean I’m automatically your type, right?  
\- And what if you are?

Why wasn’t he able to put his mouth in check! Why!? Sure, his tone was the one of someone teasing and joking, but it was way too close to home to stay safe any longer. And as Dream was now looking at him through his phone with a shocked expression, George had to backpedal his way out of this right now, and quickly.

\- Chill, Dream, you should look at your face, haha! I know you’re straight, so it automatically puts you out of my list, don’t worry.  
\- Hum, I… am not.  
\- … What?  
\- I’m not straight either. 

Okay, now George could feel his blood boiling under his cheeks. Great, fantastic, now how the heck was he supposed to not let his hopes go wild in his head? No, no, he had to stay calm, that didn’t mean that he was Dream’s type, he could have still been joking this entire time for the views, or else he would have asked him out in a private text, because that’s how he was. Yeah, that’s right, just play it cool, George, play it cool.

\- So you’re, hum…?  
\- I guess you could say I’m bi-straight on the Klein Grid.  
\- … The what?  
\- It’s not really important, just a psychological test I found when I did my research, and I tried it to know if… Well, I already had my doubts, but I never really took the time to think about it seriously, and… yeah.  
\- Wait, is it what you meant when you said that you “wanted to prove yourself something” by going out with this girl?  
\- … Kinda? It was before meeting Eret, and you know, I’m from Florida so… it’s not the worst, but not the best either, so I was determined to stay in denial and deep in the closet for as long as I could. Especially since I can easily pass for hetero.  
\- So you knew since this summer and… you told nobody?  
\- Well, it’s one thing accepting it to yourself, and another telling people and taking the risk to see them reacting differently with you. I just… wasn’t ready for that. I still don’t know if I’m totally ready with this. I mean, telling it to Eret was easy, because they know how important it is to never out someone else, but for the others… I mean, they’re all a good bunch, but you know them, especially the younger ones. It just needs the slip of a tongue, and suddenly, everything becomes public and it’s just so fucking scary. And I want to be a good influence, I want my viewers to accept differences, or know that they’re not alone, but at the same time I look at Eret’s streams and how frequently people come out to them, ask them question, and it’s just so much responsibility and… and what if I fucked up? What if I say something that could hurt someone, or spread misinformation, or aggravate a stereotype, or… or what if I’m suddenly reduce to the “bi-guy” and all my Minecraft content is pushed aside or discredited because people are always asking me the same questions over and over again about my personal life? 

Oh. Yeah. Right. That was one of the things George didn’t want to think too closely about, so he just simplified it by coming out to his closests friends, and nothing more. Heck, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to tell it to his family, since it would end without fail in long explanations that they would not understand, because it sounds too foreign for the oldest generations. But at the same time, he didn’t have the same pressure as Dream. He never had his ambitions, never wanted to inspire or be seen as a role model. He was there because Dream told him to get aboard his plan, and just happily followed because it was fun and giving him money. So if it was easy for George to just push these problems aside and concentrate on the warm joy of better understanding himself, of course it would not be the case for Dream. Because if his over-analytical mind was perfect for Minecraft and coding, it was also the main reason for his anxiety, and it just sucked so much because how can you reassure a friend that everything would be okay when the friend in question can use irrefutable logic against all your arguments? So George just sat there in silence, looking in vain for words while Dream was hiding his eyes behind a tired arm, forcing his breath to slow down and not spiral into a panic attack. 

\- Sorry, I didn’t mean to…  
\- I’m there for you, Dream. I told you, that’s what friends are for.  
\- Yeah. Friends. Right.

Dream’s lips stretched in a smirk, but his voice sounded strangely hurt behind the humor he put in his words. So in a desperate effort, George stumbled on the first thing his mind came up while trying to find a joke to lift Dream’s spirit. 

\- You sound disappointed, would you be more happy with the role of boyfriend instead? 

Yep, his mind wanted to make him die from shame, today. Worst of all, it was so difficult to decrypt Dream’s reaction without seeing his eyes, but George would swear that the man suddenly froze on the spot, and that his cheeks were getting darker by the seconds. But no responses passed his lips, not even a cynical scoff. As if he was waiting for something before daring a reaction, like a laugh from George confirming that it was all a joke, as always. Or maybe George was imagining all this, but the silence was just stretching, and each second that passed was making him grow bold until finally, he blurted out what was itching his brain for so long. 

\- What you said during Austin’s show… they were not all jokes, right? That’s why you wanted to see me participate so much. Because you wanted to find a chance to tell me, but with the possibility to back down and play it as fuel for the viewers if you had any doubts that it was not reciprocal. That’s the reason why your words were so fucking contradictoy during all this, am I wrong?  
\- … I’m sorry.  
\- Dream, I already know how stupid you can be despite your genius brain. You think I’ll suddenly love you less because you were scared to put our friendship at risk?  
\- George, I manipulated you, I hurted you, I…  
\- And I pardon you, because I know how much you need to plan and control everything to avoid a full panic mode. So stop taking all the fault on your shoulders and look at me, please.

The arm finally lowered, revealing misty eyes that still avoided to face the camera. And George drank that sight in all its details.

\- Fuck you’re beautiful.  
\- George!  
\- What? That’s true.  
\- You… How can you… You expose all my sentiments, and then you say things like that? As if it’s no big deal? Are you a fucking sadist?  
\- I don’t know, would that turn you on?  
\- No!

But Dream was now shaking with laughter, and George joined him with relief as the warmth was back inside him, pulsing in rhythm with his heart. When their hilarity finally calmed down, the silence that followed was strangely comfortable, gazes locked in each other in a shy realization.

\- So, if I would ask you to, hum… be me boyfriend, would you say yes?  
\- I don’t know, it kinda sounds strange, no? I mean, all this is kinda new and all… Maybe we should try something else, like, I don’t know, friend with benefit, and see where it goes from there?  
\- George! How the fuck do you… You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?  
\- Well, you do look cute when you’re flustered.  
\- Stop jiggling your stupid eyebrows, I thought this was a serious conversation!  
\- It is, and I will repeat myself. Do you want to be friends with benefits by the time we discover if we are comfortable with a true relationship?  
\- And how could we do that? We are an ocean apart, stupid.  
\- We have webcams, no?  
\- Fuck, George…  
\- That’s kinda what I’m implying, yes. So, you in?  
\- Of course I’m in! Do you have any idea how long I have been fantasizing about…!

Then Dream clasped a hand over his mouth before revealing something even more embarrassing, and George exploded in laughter, feeling lightweight, and happy, and relieved, and so much alive. Then again, Dream gentle wheezing was shaking his shoulders with tremors, and George knew they would be okay. Even if it didn’t end up in a relationship, they would be okay. Because they were friends above all, and that bond was definitely stronger than ever, he had the proof right there in front of him. 

\- So, no telling the fans, of course. But what about the others?  
\- What, you want to tell Sapnap that we are seriously considering doing cam shows to each other?  
\- … Yeah, right, maybe not telling anyone unless it becomes more serious. Still, do you think it could become a possibility? You and me togheter?  
\- George, you’re like, the principal reason I started to question my sexuality, of course I’m pretty sure there’s… I mean, if it’s okay with you.  
\- I think so, yeah. The chances are good. Just want to take my time to be sure, because, you know, I don’t think it would be a good idea to speedrun that shit.  
\- Oh, fuck you, George.  
\- You wish.  
\- … Okay, now I need a cold shower. Thank you, asshole.  
\- That’s a pleasure. Think you’ll send me nude while in there?  
\- Damnit George, have some shame! How can you say you want to take your time, and then act like a fucking cat in heat?  
\- Because it makes you laugh like a big idiot every time?  
\- … Touché. So, I’m calling you before bed? I, hum, kinda need some time to just, recover from shock and make sure I didn’t hallucinate all that.  
\- Sure, no problem. See you soon, Clay.

The call just finished that George let out a strident scream of joy, kicking his legs in all directions because of the adrenaline rush, spinning in his gamer chair with the biggest smile, and fuck it if he looked ridiculously childish right now, nobody was watching anyway. And Dream was attracted to him. Dream was attracted to him, and they were calling each other this evening, and they would continue to do it the days after, and… and… The euphory was just so intense, and how could he stay calm and act as everything was normal when all his body and soul wanted to proclaim loudly his happiness? Hopping out of his chair, George jumped in his bed to better hug his pillow, imagining in its place soft green hoodie and warm arms circling his shoulders. Dream was his boyfriend, Dream was his boyfriend, Dream was…! Wait, no, he wasn’t, not yet. He just had to be patient a little longer, see if they were truly compatible, and then...

George’s hand was on his phone before he even thought about it, and once again, the ringing only echoed a handful of seconds before being answered. 

\- George, it’s been only five minutes and you already miss me?  
\- I wanna be your boyfriend.  
\- … Wait, what?  
\- I changed my mind, fuck waiting. I wanna be your boyfriend. Are you in?

Dream’s laugh was so warm and soft from affection, and George was in love. He was so fucking in love, why would he try to deny it any longer, they had already lost so much time these last months by being complete idiots.

\- How could I say no when you’re so enthousiast about it?  
\- So… you love me? Sure of sure?  
\- I should be the one asking you that. How many times did I already tell you, and you just refused to do the same? You know, even if I was making it sounds like a joke, doesn’t mean I wasn’t honest behind it.  
\- From that back ago, uh? I thought you had fallen for me during the coloblind glasses episode.  
\- I lied. The colorblind glasses was when I realised that I would go crazy if I didn't attempt at least something to charm you seriously. So when you told me about Austin’s invitation to his show, I kinda jumped in the wagon, but yeah, that was clearly not the best plan.  
\- At least it didn’t backfire too terribly.  
\- Yeah, thanks to our friends, but to be honest, I… I don’t want to think about a possibility where you could have just… leave.  
\- … So, what do we do now? We’re official in private? Semi-private with only our closest friends?  
\- I guess we could at least tell Eret. We owe them big time, after all. And for the others… Wait, maybe we could make a false announcement. You know, when the chat would ask us about our relationship during a stream…  
\- You mean, like they do systematically each and every time we’re live?  
\- Ahaha, yeah. So maybe in like, one month or so, I could respond that no, we are still not dating, but that I recently found someone, and please don’t ask anymore details because I want to respect their privacy. And maybe like, another month after that, you start to say something similar, so it’s not too suspicious.  
\- Why should you be the first one to have found a partner and not me?  
\- Because I’m a really good speedrunner, obviously.  
\- … Please, tell me it’s just the case in love and not in bed.  
\- George! 

And here they were, laughing again like mad lads. George’s stomach was hurting with all these spasms, and he could distinctly hear the wheezing of Dream echoing against the tiled walls of his bathroom.

\- So yeah, we do that, and then… Oh, I see your point. It will pique the interest of all our friends, and so they’ll come to us in private asking about it.  
\- Yeah. And that’s when we choose which one to tell or not, and in which order. So first of all, Sapnap, of course, or else he will throw a fit.  
\- And Darryl second. If he hadn’t convinced me to call Eret, I don’t… I don’t think I would have had the guts to do it, so…  
\- … Just, can we agree to never tell Tommy?  
\- Fuck, of course we don’t tell him.  
\- And are you… are you okay with that? Never telling the fans, keeping it secret? Hearing me saying again and again that we’re not dating everytime we’re streaming?  
\- Well, we would still flirt live, right?  
\- I’m pretty sure the fans would find it more suspicious if we stopped doing that, especially after what happened in Love and Host. So why not crank the PDA even more, as if we want to push the joke even further?  
\- Now you’re just finding excuses to make me say “I love you” on stream, aren’t you?  
\- Maybe…  
\- You sap.  
\- Say the pot to the kettle.  
\- … Hey, Clay?  
\- Hum?  
\- I love you.

Suddenly, the call was cut, and fuck, was it too much? Too soon? But then Dream was back with a video call, and George melted in front of Dream’s radiant smile.

\- I love you too. I’m calling you back after my shower?  
\- I thought you wanted to wait for this evening.  
\- Yeah, so I could think of a way to tell you that a sexual relationship would not be enough for me, but I guess we’re already past that point now.  
\- So you will use your shower time to think about all the dirty things you want to make me do in front of a webcam?  
\- That would be nice… But since I like to pretend I’m a gentleman, how about we first organise the famous Minecraft date that I promised you, hm?  
\- Let me guess, you hope it’ll give us a new record in views if we stream it, right?  
\- … Maybe.  
\- For someone who hates mixing private and public life, you’re not very good at it, Dream.  
\- Good. I’d hate missing the chance to be your boyfriend just because you’re my youtube partner. 

George’s face was hurting from all that smiling, but he didn’t care. If life was already good, now it promised to be even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, folks! That's enough for this fanfic, but I'm already planning to make a sequel, so don't be too sad. Just, pity the fact that I have no self-control and will doom my work for writing more fanfiction, which is really bad, don't do the same kids. 
> 
> For the interested, I had no plan of going so strongly in serious themes for the second chapter, but I guess I can't help myself when the themes in question are so close to home. At first, I just wanted to talk about the importance of a strong friend circle and use it as an excuse to show more Dream SMP characters, and maybe sparkle here and there some exemples of good allies... but then it became an analyse about the whole diversity of sexual orientation and gender identity, and the personal debate about being out or not as a public figure (which is why I decided to change the title of this story). 
> 
> It's on this last point that I'm closely concerned, since I just started a youtube channel (no, I'll not tell you what it is, don't ask) and as much as I love the content I make, and as much of an LGBTA+ activist that I am... I still chose to never mention the fact that I'm trans in these videos, and am still terrify that one day, someone will post in the comment : "Wait, why do they have such a high voice but use he/him pronouns?" So yeah, Dream's freaks out in this story about telling or not that he's bi to his viewers? That was me when I was in the processus of creating my channel, while choosing my avatar and if I should use a voice modifier. So yeah, it's my pleasure to give you a little peak of all the stress and pressure that are put on the shoulders of content creators, especially the one that have so many subscribers as Dream. So always remember to be kind, people!


End file.
